Are you okay?

‘Are you okay?’ She said. This was the third time she has asked this month. I felt no need to reply in deep poetic ways. I kept it short and delivered as sweetly as possible without coming of as ironic.

‘I’m good.’

I then went to the task at hand.

When someone looks at me again without my beard, again without my mask, the angular nature of my face seems to betray a pain that I am withholding. An internal struggle that requires the other person to check in. While I have my moments, days, weeks, months of times that are under, an uninformed ‘are you okay?’ creates a larger divide, the opposite of their intent. I believe in positive intent, but there can also be an outputting on someone else. Placing their problems on me. Why do I have to answer a question about my current mind space, at work, after 5 hours of work that started at 5 am? I have no interest in trying to connect in that moment. I keep people at a distance, and some people can tell when I am. Others know better than to ask out of turn. I want to know about you, I will be a listening ear for you. But an ill placed check in that isn’t from my inner circle does not make me want to connect with you in a larger way.

Quietude. Working to work. Just do the work. I have this mentality at work, when my pay check and others expectations are looking down at me. Yet when there is work to be done for the self, such as continuing writing, I put it off. The phone must be put down.

Harder than ever to sit down and look at art. I enjoy having people I am interested talking while writing.

There is a lot of narcissism in self hatred. – David Foster Wallace

**Stream of thought, unedited**

The earth feeds itself, through itself. It’s many systems of plant and wildlife, clouds, wind all create a closed system. For many thousands of years, we lived among them, not harming Mother Earth’s ways. After industrialization, we started a journey that would lead to the eventual demise of our habitat, if gone unchecked. The earth will change as all things will, but the greatest change its scariest residents need to take is to look after it, or else we will all go under. And this grand experiment of life and the possibility of it will end. The likelihood of an earth being created as wonderful as ours is so slim, the universe so vast. We must protect our ability to serve earth and one another. The answer is not another planet, though continual space travel must happen. Our answer must be this planet we live on.

We have made such a mark on the earth, we have become parasites that have change it so heavily. We have tied our actions so closely to the health of the world that we are now the only ones who can fix it. No alien, or deus ex machina or anything fantastical is going to save this. We are. We must. We have to, or the beauty of the earth will fall. And if there are any other form of life out there, we will never be forgiven for destroying such a beautiful, unique, diverse and ultimate creation like planet earth.

We are but a speck of dust on the road of time. Earth’s life span will not be defined by one animals destruction of it. It will be defined by how it was revived and set back on course. That’s how we must see the narrative. Not doom and gloom. We acknowledge the problem. Now we must act. Grief and shame and guilt are not working actions, they are apathetic to the greater good. The greater good can no longer apply to just the other people in our secluded communities within communities; the greater good must apply to the entire earth.

Selfishness and greed have ruined our purpose as Shepard’s of the land. We became its ruler, its owners, it’s conquerers, then git busy worrying about someone else having more of something that ultimately doesn’t belong to them. People had long standing beliefs that were directly tied to the earth and its importance. Then orthodox religions came along and tried to answer the questions we had, and some angry people came up with reasons to control themselves and others through a ritualistic passing on of guilt, shame, othering and bastardization/commodification of actually beautiful and necessary thoughts. Religion should not be about passing a bucket around to pay money to believe in god/whatever figure head(s) you believe in. The messenger should not be shot, but slowly taken out of the equation. No one actually speaks to these gods. If there are, then they carry a weight with them, knowing that they created the monster that will end all life on possibly the only thing to have life in the entire universe. If their are gods, they have lost control years ago. If they never had control and were merely symbols, ideas to help calm a worried spirit and bring people together, then they are a wonderful idea through time. But the the ones that do not focus on the whole, the earth as well as humans, is inherently wrong. The only beliefs that stand should have an understanding of the necessity of balance in the world of all things, and that we must take care of our one true home. Earth.

These 4 words must guide the future.

Truth: Science and the pursuit of it. Perfection is a theory worth striving towards; nothing exemplifies this better than science. To figure all things out, while knowing that what you might know may be incorrect.

Separate thought: To achieve all of this on a personal level, you have to play the current capitlaism game long enough to fulfill these beliefs, while not utilizing it’s potency in a major way. An impossible feat? – Worth attempting

Inventor(s), Philosopher(s), Thinker(s): These individuals of great renown have stacks of stupid thoughts. And a couple brilliant ones too. That’s all it may take to change the world for the better.

Beauty: That beauty does not work like science. Perfection in humans is impossible in so far as beauty (among other things) are concerned.

Beauty is a subjective thing; in the eye of the beholder. Yet the function of progression in aesthetics in terms of art, design, architecture etc. must progress/change/alter to the times they are in. [Part of the problem of remakes is that they are not made for the time they are in.] They are diverse. WE are diverse. Complex.

Therefore beauty is and must remain diverse.

Freedom: All must be done for all humans to have a diverse amount of positive possibilities of experience, for them to have every opportunity to live healthily, mindfully, and completely. This means education, social benefits, etc. Anything or anyone that works against this can sometimes remain as the exception to the rule; for they do not serve the greater purpose. We’re talking users of deep power over others.

Love: Love should not be blind. Love should bring intelligence, humour, mistakes, difficulties, calm moments, deep passionate moments, other worldly feelings, feelings of grandeur, feelings of smallness, hopeful potency of future and being. Divining of positive possibilities.

Whether having kids or not, one must remained connected to the whole. Society is our greatest power and our greatest fault. We must not divide, we must, like the story of the tower of Babel, come together in one purpose, share, and be one.

Under …… Allah? God? Spaghetti Monster? ETC?

Under nothing/no one. Over nothing/no one.

Complete of one. Many different puzzle pieces can create one masterful mosaic.

An Ongoing List (Started May 20th, 2021)

• The word ‘mutate’
• The word ‘Earnest’

For the longest time, I thought legacy was a joke. I subscribed to the general rule that people would forget about you in a generation or two. And I was resigned to that.

But what if you can leave a positive legacy? Really know that you’re affecting the greatest positive change in the people around you.

This is the something to work towards. Being a good ancestor.

Being a good ancestor.

The beacon light flickers,

The portal demands your attention.

This is what true belief looks like,

Stranded in the same place year after year,

In an old jazz club that defines who you are,

Stuck in a loop of joys and pain

the higher it goes, the higher you go

The mirror melts away.

Holding us in perpetuity, for the rest of our time.

People were right to fear the computer.

Being this far from a god delusion, you’d think you could control it better.

The you you are is the you you are.

Getting high and making art is the ultimate art. Seth Rogen, MF DOOM, etc.

Be the response to Seth Rogen. The next generation of him, Canadian, funny, yet smarter comedy, responding to his generation. This is how we react, generationally. Generation reacts to Generation, and they repeat back the art they understood, in their own lessons/versions. Art is our ultimate mutation as creatures. It is why we are the most advanced race in the world. We weren’t supposed to happen. And we did. How can we fight with each other? It is the worst way of spending our energy. So wasted on the hate of the other, the different, the unknown. This has to stop. It’s not us vs. them, it should us with us mailing US even better. (not United States. Unless United Countries? UN? No not quite right. Should be born out of peace versus being born out of conflict.

This is why we are powerful and this is why some of mutate in the wrong way. It is dangerous. We have to live and love all beings. All nature. Progress has become beyond us, we must direct these collective technological powers to the safety of humanity then the progress of humanity. As collective. SpaceX is progress, but in it’s current state, it is run by and for corporations. It is doing it in the benefit of few vs the benefit of us all.

“My purpose

My purpose is to make art.

My purpose is to affect others. Make them think.

My purpose is more than me. It is part of everything.

My purpose is to make people laugh.

What is my outlet? I can have multiple. It is a balance. Focus on the one for you.”


I wrote this at 11 am almost 5 years ago. I was still reassuring myself then as I am now. That would’ve been the time when my first longest relationship had ended, after a couple months ‘break.’

The thought of being in love back then really throws me off. I can understand how I have loved family in the past due to my memories and familial relations. But knowing that I once understood that I ‘loved’ someone before, for it to go sour and not work out, is a sad aspect of my life. Not in that I long for that previous relationship in any way now, but knowing that I once had loved someone different and most day’s do not think of them. It’s hard to let go completely. It is part of you. Despite more life being lead, certain chapters of your life will always be what they are. They won’t change with age, or disappear in the elongated past. It will stay its hold on you until you die.

In most forms of a ‘good’ afterlife in most religions, there is an understanding of a ‘utopic’ land and peaceful mind. “All is well now and fixed.” But worry, and anxieties, and troubles and problems and negative events, other than bodily health, can’t just change. AS this would reset the individual and their relationships from their ‘time on earth.’ A good afterlife forgets the fact that we are complex individuals with memories and pasts. I don’t believe in an afterlife as I will further discuss below, but I still use the idea of an afterlife within my imagination. I believe that, afterlife providing, there would be a reverting back to stronger consciousness as the thing that was failing was the body, not the mind. [But is this even too much allowance. Like a ‘spirit’ idea? I hope not.]

I don’t believe in an afterlife as there is no way of knowing what happens after. It is the greatest question, the one we will never answer. Charlatans, all of them, who teach that there is. I have nothing against those that would believe this for a simple comfort. Yet, If there was an afterlife I could imagine, it would be without our bodies. Without any physical sense, or need of that sense going forward. It would be one of consciousness, melded towards the other vibrations in the universe. All vibrating at different speeds, becoming different parts of the the universe. WE continue to get more and more complex and changing and empathetic to everything else in the universe. The Buddhists were right that we are all one/connected. But they were wrong about rebirth. Our rebirth, is more of a scientific nature, our molecules breaking down into various matters.

We are born from the chemical soups of our fore-beings, people of all spectrum’s and kinds, and plants and mountains and minerals. We are a chemical experiment gone in all the right and wrong ways. And we will continue to form and change around until the universe fizzles out. We won’t always be Homo Sapiens, we will evolve in some categorical way, that future historians will name. The Great Transitioning. [an attempt at a name. They will name it something much better. The Reversal?] We are in the alpha, possibly beta, of our next transformation. Since the industrial revolution, we have been on a fast track to creating ways to evolve ourselves. WE have become the gods of our forefathers/mothers/people dreamt of. This is the great reversal of power. We have been shifting the power away from the gods. At first it was gods, then royalty, then democratic government, communism etc and now corporate gods. The transition of power from these ‘power entities’ to the people is what’s been shaping the world since our time of creating large groups. The problem now is large business creating a reversal back to the powerful. This is why anarchism works as a full idea. This is why the tearing of walls, all walls, will be so important. The less power police have, the less of it all is true progress. As it puts power into all the people that much more. Not to get rid, as there are those that wish harm on others. ASPD is a tough thing for anyone involved, and the treatment and rehabilitation is lacking. Maybe one day this treatment will be discovered as well. I am hopeful but not optimistic. But we need to more towards true egality. A optimistic, positive and self-fulfilling sense for the world and it’s people. We have to keep this semblance somehow.

Apocryphal Now has begun session. Please ask any questions you may have.

A waste goes to hate.

The most distractions.

We are changed by movers and shakers.

Be one.

who is the man that’s going to save you?

he’s not the one in the mirror

that has yet to acknowledge the person

in front of him.

he’s not the one who gets angry

at all the little things, swears at

drawer before him and frets

over the stupid things.

he seems to be someone from the

future, someone who will always be

out of reach, ahead of the game

and without you.

To cast him into the now

needs you to be him now

to make it work for his arrival

you become the arrival for you.

he’s the one who’s already read that book.

he’s the one who’s already made that short.

he’s the one looking back on what he wrote

as you, the one writing currently

lament your future’s past in the future.